um...

...yeah. i gotta get back to posting here.

there is so much i want to write about, but there is also so much going on each day (diaper changes, meals to cook, baby to nurse, small child to play with, husband to chat with) that i really do not have any free time.

i'll be back soon, promise.

wibble sweetie

Three weeks old today! I am absolutely head-over-heels in love with her. I smile like a goon the whole time I'm feeding her and I find myself just staring at her and memorizing her little face when I give her kick time after diaper changes. And with the baby acne is full force, she truly has a face only a mother could love.

2 weeks

 Two weeks postpartum.

 Cute wibble sister.

 How Patrick spends his time with Margot.

How I spend my time with Margot...nursing.

Two weeks postpartum and physically I feel pretty darn normal. I've still got a spare tire around my waist, but that is definitely to be expected. I feel like I'm perhaps shrinking down to size a bit faster this time around, which might be because Margot is a major nurser and I'm making enough milk for a neighborhood. I'm pretty hungry, but not as much as I was in pregnancy, and I'm eating whatever the heck I want.

Mentally I feel like I have less postpartum hormones then I did with Piper, although I bet my family and Patrick would disagree since I keep unloading on them each time I feel teary. After I had Piper just hearing my mom's voice, or seeing something emotional on tv would make me burst into tears. This time around I've only had a few crying sessions and its been brought on by frustrating situations like when Piper is being needy and Margot is crying and it just all suddenly seems too hard. Parenting is all highs and lows and one minute everyone is happy and sweet and fed and clean and it all seems so easy and the next minute everyone is crying and whining and hungry and I want to pull my hair out.

Margot is doing great and really is a sweet, normal little whup. She really likes the boobie, and is a quick, efficient nurser, and finishes up a nursing session in 10 minutes or less. She likes having kick time on the floor and surprisingly likes tummy time. She does not like car seats or the time between 6:00pm and 7:30pm. Patrick and I do not do well with crying children and after a few minutes of infant screams we are both starting to lose it. So the evenings have been sorta challenging with us trying to figure out what will soothe little Margot. So far it has been bouncing in our arms with our pinkie in her mouth - which brings up the pacifier situation that we are currently trying to figure out. Piper never took a pacifier, but we feel like Margot might be a kid who would benefit from one. We just have been wandering if we are going to be tethered to a pacifier for the next 2 years. But we are weighing the pros and cons and I'll let you know what we decide.

I know this could all change tonight, since she is still so little, but Margot has only woken up once a night (at 2am) for the last 4 nights! Woo hoo!

42 weeks

I think I might try and keep up with weekly photos to see how long it takes for me to get back to my postpartum shape. I've been so diligent about weekly photos since 15 weeks (which is when I actually came to the conclusion that this pregnancy was sticking), that it would be sorta fun to see how I shrink down in the upcoming months.

FYI, I have huge plastic cones in my bra in these shots.

41 weeks

I really did NOT think I would get to 41 weeks. The time spent in that week was marked with tears, frustration and the real worry that this baby might not ever come out. Physically I really felt fine - no back aches, no leg cramps, I wasn't really waddling, my stomach wasn't that big and I was sleeping pretty darn well. Mentally I was going nuts with all the questions from people who could really work on their delivery. One friend of ours kept sending me daily texts saying (and I quote) "Geez, what is up with your baby?" and "Uh, seriously is the kid still not here." and "Are you sure everything is okay with the baby?"

I went in for 2 non-stress tests and 2 fluid volume checks and the results kept coming back normal, and still no baby. After the second fluid volume check I went for a solo evening walk while my mom played with Piper at the playground. The air was cool and crisp for the first time and I hoofed my way around a 1 mile loop near my house. I had been pretty nervous about going into labor - I was anxious to meet our baby and desperate for him/her to arrive, but very much NOT looking forward to contractions and pain and the unknown. As I walked and pumped my arms and tried to really push myself so that maybe I could perhaps push myself into labor I felt a sense of confidence brewing. I hadn't been totally by myself in weeks and being alone and quiet and enjoying the fall air and the leaves changing I started to tell myself "it's all gonna work out, it's all gonna be okay". I took deep, yoga ujjayi breaths and I could feel the anxiety releasing a bit with each breath. The fear of labor and possible induction and stuff was still there, but I ended my little power walk knowing that everything was going to be okay and that yes, I CAN and WILL go through labor again and that a little miracle was coming to us.

Two days, 3 trips to have my membranes swept, 41.5 weeks of pregnancy and 2 ounces of castor oil later 6 pounds of love came roaring into our world. And I learned suddenly that yes, it is possible to love your second child just as fiercely and instantly as your first.

40 weeks

Photos taken first thing this morning, complete with bedhead and an unwashed face.

I really can not believe I'm posting a 40 week update. And I can't believe that I'm out and about and each day I'm having people casually say "Oh, when are you due?" and then looked shocked when I say "Four days ago!"

I was feeling great last week. Now I'm downgrading myself to just good and by the end of the day you might get a much different response then that. Last night I was exhausted and was lying in the bathtub with only half of my big ole body barely covered with water. Patrick was chatting with me and as I tried to heave my body up to a sitting position I had to hold on to the safety bar and puuuuullll myself up. I sat there for a minute just sorta taking deep breaths and when he asked me how I felt I sighed and said "Tired, really tired. And I think I'm getting closer to the end." Obviously this is sorta a "duh" comment since I'm overdue, but that was the first time I felt just done with the pregnancy and ready for it to be over.

I'm not having any signs that labor is coming, at least not that I notice. No real contractions, the mucous plug is still in place as far as I know (sorry Mark if you just had to read that), no upset stomach, no baby dreams. At my appointment this week I lost a pound which brings me to 146, from my pre-pregnancy weight of 118. I am very pleased about this since I have been eating like a friggin horse. Hamburgers and fries, eggs benedict, a gigantic Costco chicken salad that I usually can't finish and after eating the whole thing I started in on Patrick's piece of pizza, manicotti, bowls of chili, Halloween candy. I can't believe how much I've been stuffing my face with, I'm just so hungry. Pretty much the most glaring, obvious sign that a baby is imminent is my emotional state which is all over the place. I started crying at my midwife appointment yesterday when I was telling her about how our shower curtain fell down and then 30 minutes later I'm exploding with happiness at how beautiful the day was and then later I'm crying while I look at Piper's sweet little face while she naps and baby brother/sister kicks me from inside. I am just a tangle of extreme hormones.

I feel absolutely neurotic about keeping the house clean. It is the only thing I can really control right now (so says my midwife) and I keep trying to imagine myself going through contractions while there is a pile of unfolded laundry on the couch and it makes me twitch. I want the sink to be totally empty and our bed to be perfectly made and the floors to be swept and Samford to get the hell OUT of the house because he keeps tracking in dirt and dropping dog hair. It is killing me that the backyard hasn't been mowed and I'm obsessively trying to keep the kitchen counter tops free of clutter.

Our bags are backed, the car seat is installed with freshly washed blankets sitting on top waiting to swaddle the baby on the ride home. I am taking warm baths at night, going to bed early, drinking lots of water, taking walks, seeing the acupuncturist, saying my prayers, and trying to stay relaxed. There's nothing else I can do and when/how this baby arrives now is up to him/her, who is also still nameless and we both don't feel too stressed about it (surprisingly). We decided we'll just name them when we see them because we can NOT for the life of us come up with a name that we like. And we are still taking suggestions!

first haircut

BEFORE

AFTER

She LOVED the attention and totally loves her new haircut.