wibble sweetie

Three weeks old today! I am absolutely head-over-heels in love with her. I smile like a goon the whole time I'm feeding her and I find myself just staring at her and memorizing her little face when I give her kick time after diaper changes. And with the baby acne is full force, she truly has a face only a mother could love.

2 weeks

 Two weeks postpartum.

 Cute wibble sister.

 How Patrick spends his time with Margot.

How I spend my time with Margot...nursing.

Two weeks postpartum and physically I feel pretty darn normal. I've still got a spare tire around my waist, but that is definitely to be expected. I feel like I'm perhaps shrinking down to size a bit faster this time around, which might be because Margot is a major nurser and I'm making enough milk for a neighborhood. I'm pretty hungry, but not as much as I was in pregnancy, and I'm eating whatever the heck I want.

Mentally I feel like I have less postpartum hormones then I did with Piper, although I bet my family and Patrick would disagree since I keep unloading on them each time I feel teary. After I had Piper just hearing my mom's voice, or seeing something emotional on tv would make me burst into tears. This time around I've only had a few crying sessions and its been brought on by frustrating situations like when Piper is being needy and Margot is crying and it just all suddenly seems too hard. Parenting is all highs and lows and one minute everyone is happy and sweet and fed and clean and it all seems so easy and the next minute everyone is crying and whining and hungry and I want to pull my hair out.

Margot is doing great and really is a sweet, normal little whup. She really likes the boobie, and is a quick, efficient nurser, and finishes up a nursing session in 10 minutes or less. She likes having kick time on the floor and surprisingly likes tummy time. She does not like car seats or the time between 6:00pm and 7:30pm. Patrick and I do not do well with crying children and after a few minutes of infant screams we are both starting to lose it. So the evenings have been sorta challenging with us trying to figure out what will soothe little Margot. So far it has been bouncing in our arms with our pinkie in her mouth - which brings up the pacifier situation that we are currently trying to figure out. Piper never took a pacifier, but we feel like Margot might be a kid who would benefit from one. We just have been wandering if we are going to be tethered to a pacifier for the next 2 years. But we are weighing the pros and cons and I'll let you know what we decide.

I know this could all change tonight, since she is still so little, but Margot has only woken up once a night (at 2am) for the last 4 nights! Woo hoo!

42 weeks

I think I might try and keep up with weekly photos to see how long it takes for me to get back to my postpartum shape. I've been so diligent about weekly photos since 15 weeks (which is when I actually came to the conclusion that this pregnancy was sticking), that it would be sorta fun to see how I shrink down in the upcoming months.

FYI, I have huge plastic cones in my bra in these shots.

41 weeks

I really did NOT think I would get to 41 weeks. The time spent in that week was marked with tears, frustration and the real worry that this baby might not ever come out. Physically I really felt fine - no back aches, no leg cramps, I wasn't really waddling, my stomach wasn't that big and I was sleeping pretty darn well. Mentally I was going nuts with all the questions from people who could really work on their delivery. One friend of ours kept sending me daily texts saying (and I quote) "Geez, what is up with your baby?" and "Uh, seriously is the kid still not here." and "Are you sure everything is okay with the baby?"

I went in for 2 non-stress tests and 2 fluid volume checks and the results kept coming back normal, and still no baby. After the second fluid volume check I went for a solo evening walk while my mom played with Piper at the playground. The air was cool and crisp for the first time and I hoofed my way around a 1 mile loop near my house. I had been pretty nervous about going into labor - I was anxious to meet our baby and desperate for him/her to arrive, but very much NOT looking forward to contractions and pain and the unknown. As I walked and pumped my arms and tried to really push myself so that maybe I could perhaps push myself into labor I felt a sense of confidence brewing. I hadn't been totally by myself in weeks and being alone and quiet and enjoying the fall air and the leaves changing I started to tell myself "it's all gonna work out, it's all gonna be okay". I took deep, yoga ujjayi breaths and I could feel the anxiety releasing a bit with each breath. The fear of labor and possible induction and stuff was still there, but I ended my little power walk knowing that everything was going to be okay and that yes, I CAN and WILL go through labor again and that a little miracle was coming to us.

Two days, 3 trips to have my membranes swept, 41.5 weeks of pregnancy and 2 ounces of castor oil later 6 pounds of love came roaring into our world. And I learned suddenly that yes, it is possible to love your second child just as fiercely and instantly as your first.

40 weeks

Photos taken first thing this morning, complete with bedhead and an unwashed face.

I really can not believe I'm posting a 40 week update. And I can't believe that I'm out and about and each day I'm having people casually say "Oh, when are you due?" and then looked shocked when I say "Four days ago!"

I was feeling great last week. Now I'm downgrading myself to just good and by the end of the day you might get a much different response then that. Last night I was exhausted and was lying in the bathtub with only half of my big ole body barely covered with water. Patrick was chatting with me and as I tried to heave my body up to a sitting position I had to hold on to the safety bar and puuuuullll myself up. I sat there for a minute just sorta taking deep breaths and when he asked me how I felt I sighed and said "Tired, really tired. And I think I'm getting closer to the end." Obviously this is sorta a "duh" comment since I'm overdue, but that was the first time I felt just done with the pregnancy and ready for it to be over.

I'm not having any signs that labor is coming, at least not that I notice. No real contractions, the mucous plug is still in place as far as I know (sorry Mark if you just had to read that), no upset stomach, no baby dreams. At my appointment this week I lost a pound which brings me to 146, from my pre-pregnancy weight of 118. I am very pleased about this since I have been eating like a friggin horse. Hamburgers and fries, eggs benedict, a gigantic Costco chicken salad that I usually can't finish and after eating the whole thing I started in on Patrick's piece of pizza, manicotti, bowls of chili, Halloween candy. I can't believe how much I've been stuffing my face with, I'm just so hungry. Pretty much the most glaring, obvious sign that a baby is imminent is my emotional state which is all over the place. I started crying at my midwife appointment yesterday when I was telling her about how our shower curtain fell down and then 30 minutes later I'm exploding with happiness at how beautiful the day was and then later I'm crying while I look at Piper's sweet little face while she naps and baby brother/sister kicks me from inside. I am just a tangle of extreme hormones.

I feel absolutely neurotic about keeping the house clean. It is the only thing I can really control right now (so says my midwife) and I keep trying to imagine myself going through contractions while there is a pile of unfolded laundry on the couch and it makes me twitch. I want the sink to be totally empty and our bed to be perfectly made and the floors to be swept and Samford to get the hell OUT of the house because he keeps tracking in dirt and dropping dog hair. It is killing me that the backyard hasn't been mowed and I'm obsessively trying to keep the kitchen counter tops free of clutter.

Our bags are backed, the car seat is installed with freshly washed blankets sitting on top waiting to swaddle the baby on the ride home. I am taking warm baths at night, going to bed early, drinking lots of water, taking walks, seeing the acupuncturist, saying my prayers, and trying to stay relaxed. There's nothing else I can do and when/how this baby arrives now is up to him/her, who is also still nameless and we both don't feel too stressed about it (surprisingly). We decided we'll just name them when we see them because we can NOT for the life of us come up with a name that we like. And we are still taking suggestions!

first haircut

BEFORE

AFTER

She LOVED the attention and totally loves her new haircut.

39 weeks

So here I am, facing the end of this pregnancy and I've got to say I feel...good. Normal, fine. Dare I say, relaxed? I'm sleeping well, eating a LOT, getting around without any problems and only having the occasional crampy-could-this-be-a-contraction?-ache every once in awhile. I am equally pleased and perplexed by this since when I was this pregnant with Piper my back hurt, I wasn't sleeping at all and I was getting really anxious.

The baby is not moving around quite as much as it was a few weeks ago. I use to get karate chops all the time and now I usually have a foot randomly sticking out of my right side for most of the day. I imagine that the baby is hanging out inside, just reminding me he/she is still there by kicking their leg out for a bit, almost like they are riding in a pick-up truck and have their leg propped up out the window like a hillbilly.

One thing I love about the end of pregnancy is all the attention (no surprise right). I love all the little comments from random strangers "Looks like your time is almost up!" "Wow, a baby is coming really soon huh?" and "You look great, not that much more time I guess." I get so annoyed with how no one seems to be polite to strangers any more. Both times that I have flown in my 3rd trimester during this pregnancy I didn't have a single person offer me any help. No help with lifting my bags into the overhead compartments, no extra arm room when I was squeezed into the middle seat. But now, at the end of pregnancy all the sweet words and kind gestures from strangers are coming out. I keep getting doors opened for me and help out with my groceries and phone calls from family and friends saying "Feeling anything yet?" I just love it, it is so sweet and fleeting because pretty soon I'll be a normal un-pregnant person with a little munchkin attached to me.

cute

ha!

38 weeks

This week was a mess of surprise and stress over getting the news of the little one being breech and me trying hard not to sweat about it so that I could instead sweat over taking my board exam. I never stopped at any point in this pregnancy and considered the fact that baby could flip breech. I don't know why, I guess it just seemed sorta rare and the thought never really occurred to me.

So I tried hard not to worry and to come to terms with a possible csection - which is NOT the end of the world by any means, but still very different then how I imagined having this baby. I started to definitely see some of the pros with a csection, such as the convenience of knowing when the baby would be here, the luxury of not having to go through contractions and pushing and the possible pampering I would have received in the hospital. Right about the time I was thinking of all of those things, we went in for our next ultrasound and the baby was head down again! Hurrah! And also...oh yea, now I really do have to go through contractions and pushing and gigantic maxi pads and warm sitz baths. But I am thankful, very very thankful. Patrick and I kept saying that all we want is a baby...it doesn't matter how it arrives, just as long as it is safe and happy and ours. And so sometime in the next few weeks that is what we will get!

37 weeks

Geezus, I can't believe I'm actually typing 37 weeks! It seems like just the blink of an eye that I was timidly counting the scary and stressful first trimester weeks...and now I'm in the window where this baby could be born and it is insane to think this pregnancy is almost up.

It's currently 4:43am and I've been up for over an hour with pregnancy insomnia. This is the first time this pregnancy that I've actually gotten out of bed and wandered around the house. Usually I just lie there and toss and turn and wait to fall back asleep. Speaking of tossing and turning, I'm really shocked with how well I'm still sleeping. I had a few uncomfortable nights during the Michigan trip where my hip bones throbbed all night and felt like they were digging into the mattress. But otherwise, I'm still sleeping rather well.

Actually I'm feeling/walking/eating/etc all rather well for being so close to the end. Patrick and I have been talking about how insane it is that this baby could make an appearance any day, which is possible, but I just have a feeling that I have much more time to go. I am not really swollen, I'm still sleeping well, I am VERY hungry, I am still getting around with no problems and I'm still genuinely pretty content. They have sorta hammered this into us at the birth center that the baby will most likely come once you are getting to the point of misery, where you are so uncomfortable that you will do anything to get that baby out...which basically means you'll be willing to go through hours of horrid pain just to be able to sleep on your stomach again fortheloveofGod!

I am, however, rocking the occasional very mildly swollen ankles, a slight bit of a waddle depending on how the baby is lying in my tummy and more and more of a fat face each day. Also, I can often be seen with a few inches of the bottom of my tummy showing since I've officially outgrown pretty much all my maternity shirts.

I've been really needing extra rest time lately. Thankfully Patrick is wonderful and gets up each morning around 7:10ish with Piper and does the morning breakfast routine. I roll out of bed around 7:30 and join them and I find that I really really need to lie down during Piper's nap time. If I don't fall immediately to sleep during nap time, I'll try and imagine this baby and who he/she is, what they will look like and how they will make their appearance in this world, breastfeeding again, etc. This all brings me...nothing. I mean nothing. I seriously can not picture this baby, or if they are a boy or a girl or what it will be like to be in labor again. This makes me nervous because I'm afraid I'm going to feel a contraction and freak out and realize that "A baby is coming!" and have some sort of nervous breakdown as the reality finally hits me because I've been completely pre-occupied with nursing school, Patrick, Piper and everything else. With Piper's pregnancy we were totally ready and had finished our birth classes and read books and her arrival was all we talked about. I've chatted with sisters and friends about how it is the second time around and everyone agreed that it is just different - you are too busy with life and #1 to be as prepared as you were the first time around. The only difference is that you know what to do this time and everything will suddenly feel familiar. One of my girlfriends was telling me that with her first she listened to guided meditations for birth 3x a week and had her birth bag packed at 31 weeks. With her second she never opened a book/listened to a tape and her husband packed her birth bag while she was panting through contractions at 38+ weeks seconds before they left to have the baby. I just feel so unprepared for this baby, hell we don't even have a clue what to name them and our bag is not packed yet.

36 weeks

All is well here. Besides some tossing and turning at night, I have no real complaints with 36 weeks. I'm entering the stage where everyone is commenting on the pregnancy and it is really fun. Strangers walk past me and say "Wow, looks like a baby is coming soon", the check-out lady at Publix asks me how I'm feeling and comments that "it looks like you'll be real busy soon!" I got out of the car at the preschool pick-up line on Monday and rushed around the car to let Piper out and one of the teachers said "careful! we don't want you having that baby right here!"
I really love this stage of pregnancy when everyone seems genuinely excited by the fact that I'm a ticking time bomb. Piper is always loving on my stomach and just this morning she stood in front of me while we were in the check-out line and closed her eyes and rubbed her face against my stomach for 4 minutes straight. It was so sweet because all I want to do is just love on Piper right now. I'm feeling very Earth Mama and I just want to hold and cuddle any little child against me.

At my appt this week the midwife told me I am GBS+. Even though I'm well aware of how common it is, I got all upset and started crying. Once I'm out of the first trimester I've been a model pregnant patient and having one little out-of-the-ordinary thing pop up made me sorta freak out. I felt better after Christa reminded me she was GBS+, along with two friends and Lisa. It is no big whoop and I should feel so thankful that the worst hiccup I've had with this pregnancy is that I'll have to have a dose of IV antibiotics right before I have the baby.

My weight is up to an even 30 pounds, which means I'm officially 1 pound over what I gained with Piper. I still feel like I look good, but I am definitely starting to have the soft, pudgy, round 9 month pregnant woman look.

35 weeks

34 weeks

33 weeks

32 weeks

31 weeks

No 31 week comparison photo, we must have slacked off this week last time.

This week I had a busy week of 12 hour clinicals and then jetted off to Denver for a short but very fun visit with Lisa, Will and baby Aldus. My life has been a total whirlwind the last several months and it is all culminating with graduating next week. So the trip to Denver really sneaked up on me and I found myself lying on my bed with my aching feet propped up on pillows while Patrick packed for me (a first!), then I passed out in the same position (I had just worked a 12 hour shift) and didn't move until my alarm went off at 5am the next morning letting me know it was time to hurry to catch my flight to CO. It was a super fun, relaxing trip and although I missed little Piper and Patrick a lot, it was great to just veg and sleep in and sit on the couch and watch someone else take care of a baby. :)

Speaking of babies, this little baby is starting to feel very low. A few times during walks around Lisa's neighborhood I felt like I had to hold on to the lower part of my tummy because I feel like I have a bowling ball rolling around in my pelvis. I'm getting lots of Braxton-Hicks and the flight attendant on my flight home took me aside to ask exactly when I'm due. I definitely don't think I look big enough to be questioned, but I thought it was pretty funny.

Current names on our chalkboard:

Boys:

Rexford, Ryder, Patrick, Oliver, Banyan, River, Sebastian, Jude, Milo

Girls:

Matilda (Tilly), Margot, Margaret, Josephine (Josie), Sadie, Hazel, Olivia, Marley, Viola (Patrick put this one back up), Cecilia, Charlotte

New symptoms are swollen ankles after 12 hours on my feet and when I was walking around Denver with Lisa my hands/fingers were swelling up like little sausages. Also, I can tell a difference in my breathing and it feels like the baby is constricting my lungs a bit, but that doesn't make much sense since I feel like the baby is down low. I guess I'm just outta shape. :)

Just for fun: Here is a pic of Aldus, who should be nicknamed Freakish Baby Who Never Cries and Is Always Happy and Can Be Plopped On The Floor And Ignored for 10+ Minutes and He Is Still Happy and Greets You With a Smile When You Come Back To Get Him. This photo was taken during his first official solid food meal. He reacted to solid foods like a hungry baby bird who hadn't eaten for days.

30 weeks

Wow, this feels like the final countdown is starting. 30 weeks is like, a lot pregnant. Very much pregnant. I could theoretically have this baby during a week that starts with a 3 and ends with a 8 or 9.

At our appointment this week the baby was still in transverse position and the midwife gave us a very nonchalant, no big-deal, no need to worry update that hey, the baby has been hanging out in that position for awhile and why don't we start working on getting him/her to move to a better position. Of course this freaked me out and now I am constantly doing cat cow position or sitting on my birth ball or doing pelvic rocks. We still have PLENTY of time, but it dawned on me just how comfy this little one has been in that position and I need to shake things up a bit to get them all comfy and head down.

I'm currently weighing in at 140 (22 pounds) and I just got my first taste of ankle swelling. I had zero swelling with Piper, but apparently 12 hour shifts + God awful summer heat + pregnancy = swelling. It's nothing bad at all and a few hours after I prop my feet up it is pretty much gone.

Patrick and I ask each other often "Right now, what are you thinking the baby is?" And the past few times I've said I think its a boy. Not for ANY particular reason, I have just been having a boy vibe lately. This is crazy to me because a) I would love for Piper to have a sister, 2) I really can't fathom having a little boy d) Boys are still an anomaly in our family.

p.s.- I really loathe blogger. I will try for 20 minutes to straighten my photos or take out an extra space between paragraphs and it never lets me. So all the times it looks like I just slapped a post on my blog and ignored the fact that photos don't line up or that there is a gigantic gap in the middle of the page - really I cussed and fought it and eventually just gave up and posted the dang thing.

hello mystery bills...

...goodbye Seattle.

I'm not trying to pull the poor card (poor card! poor card!) but after a deluge of unexpected bills (one car needed 4 new tires, another car is currently broken down and had to be towed to the repair shop and is having a new starter and some other stuff put in for $600, an $800 insurance bill) we had to make the responsible decision to not go to Seattle.
I know we have a wonderful, comfortable, charmed life, but DAYUM I am really bummed out. I have been daydreaming about this trip and have been reading the Seattle magazines about where to go, what to eat, what to see.
I'm getting so frustrated and annoyed in our quest to find a suitable place to move. I was really eager to see Seattle and explore and see if this could be a part of the country we could be happy in. I'm not sure when we'll have the chance to go again, but if it's meant to be then it will all work out.
I'm sure we'll come up with a fun and considerably less expensive babymoon, but sometimes it isn't fun being an adult and having to shell out $$ for un-fun stuff like tires and insurance deductibles and new car starters. Alas, I just want to spend some time with P and enjoy the calm before our little family becomes a family of 4. I'm really starting to get excited about this little baby, whoever he/she is!

28 weeks

I had my glucose screening this week. At the birth center they have you eat a 50 gram carbohydrate breakfast instead of drinking the glucose drink. I guess the glucose drink makes a lot of people sick? Who knows, but the 50 gram breakfast is pretty good. 2 eggs, 2 slices of buttered toast, 4 ounces of unsweetened juice and 8 ounces of milk. With my pregnancy with Piper I was so excited for everything and a few days before my glucose screening I remember going to Publix with Patrick JUST to pick out the ingredients for the breakfast. We even deliberated over which juice to get. Ah, to have the luxury to worry about such incidentals! This time around I ran down to the cafeteria on campus at 9:45am praying that they were a) still serving breakfast b) had all the items I needed and c)that the plastic bag of spare change that I keep in my backpack would cover the cost. I was lucky on a, b and c. I ate my breakfast at 10:30am over a study session with my professor and then left campus at Noon for my 12:30 screening. My blood sugar was perfect (80) and my iron was low (9. It was low with Piper too).

I had a nice, quick appt with the midwife, she told me to start taking some iron supplements, felt around for the baby (still lying transverse), listened to the heart rate (140) and sent me on my merry way. As I was walking out the secretary stopped me to book me for my next appointment...in two weeks. Jigga wha? How the holy hell did that happen so fast? I can't believe that I am now going for check-ups every two weeks!

I feel like I'm having more intense Braxton-Hicks contractions now. I don't know if that is just where I am with the pregnancy or because I'm not drinking as much water or because I'm totally stressed out. Have I mentioned I'm totally stressed out? Yea, I am. All the shiznit is coming down to the wire with school and that, combined with the HUGE test that I failed (66%) has me absolutely stressed and anxiety ridden. I was calmly and sweetly told by Patrick on Sunday night that he was "semi-worried" about me because I am not handling my stress well at all and I really need to get it in check. So I'm trying. I have a gigantic exit exam on Monday and then I start my 7am-7pm clinicals and then on August 22 it is all over. Pleaseletthatdaygetheresoon!