me, only better

I am tired of worrying and being a pessimist. I waste so much time fretting over life, school, money, things and everything always, always works out. I freaked about starting school again after 8 years of having not opening a text book and I got A's. I worry about arriving to appointments on time, not hurting other people's feelings, cleaning the house, getting out of the door early enough so I don't have to rush to class, having enough time, etc and it.doesn't.matter. If I'm late for Piper's pediatrician's appointment, who cares? If my bathroom is dirty and the toilet needs to be cleaned, it's fine, I'll get it done. Maybe not this minute, but it will happen.
Money is a constant pain and is like a little evil troll sitting on my shoulder whispering stressful thoughts in my ear. I am always worrying about paying bills, trying to save, making ends meet. But uh hi. We just got back from two weeks in the Bahamas where we flew on a private charter and vacationed 500 yards from Tiger Woods yacht. Last time I checked that means you must be doing something right.
Everytime I'm stressing about something, the panacea (new word I've been looking for the chance to use!) seems to fall into place a few days later. And I'm left thankful, but wishing I could go back and have those moments that I wasted worrying back.
An anal, controlling side of me has started to sneak in and I'm not sure if I like her that much. I want to work to be the carefree Sarah that Patrick fell in love with. He deserves it and so do I.
The word that keeps coming to my head is: freedom. I want freedom to be me and not worry and fret and to remember that it all works out. God's hand, coincidence, luck. It always comes together and works itself out.